The complex journey of adoption

The Start of the Journey 
Yente, now 19 years old, was adopted from China as a baby. Her mother's desire to adopt began when she met a nephew who had been adopted from South Korea. This experience left such a deep impression on her that she always said she wanted to adopt a child herself one day. After she got married, she shared this dream with Yente’s father. Due to their young age, however, they had to wait before they could begin the adoption process. While waiting, Yente's mother became pregnant with her sister, which further delayed the adoption. Three years later, the adoption papers were finally completed, and Yente could start her journey to the Netherlands.

Chubby Baby
Yente was found near a school in China and spent the first months of her life in an orphanage. At eleven months old, her adoptive parents came to pick her up, and they stayed in China for a few more weeks to bond with her. According to the official documents, Yente was described as a "chubby baby," always hungry and loving food. That passion for food has stayed with her to this day; she laughs when she recalls how angry she would get as a baby if others were eating and she wasn’t.

"Poepchinees" and "Spleetoog"
Growing up in the Netherlands wasn’t always easy for Yente. She often felt like the only Chinese person in a predominantly white environment and had to deal with hurtful remarks, especially during her primary school years. On the streets, she sometimes faced racist comments like "poepchinees" or "spleetoog." The COVID-19 pandemic made things worse, as people avoided her out of fear of infection. These experiences affected her self-confidence. She remembers times when she felt excluded, especially compared to her sister, who never experienced such remarks. During her teenage years, Yente struggled when people shouted things at her while she was cycling. She would think, “Why am I not normal? Why am I not seen as Dutch when that’s how I feel?”

Fear of Abandonment
The road to self-acceptance was not without challenges. Yente dealt with fear of abandonment from a young age. She remembers when her grandmother passed away when she was nine, a loss she found difficult to understand. This event triggered feelings of fear and insecurity, possibly linked to her adoption story. With the help of an adoption coach, Yente learned to better understand her emotions and accept who she is, including her Chinese heritage. The process of acceptance was complex, but it helped her become stronger and more confident.

White Savior
Yente is grateful for the opportunities she’s had in the Netherlands. “I don’t think I would have been able to attend university or go on vacations there,” she says. Still, she finds it emotional to think about being taken away from her biological parents. “Saying it out loud, it’s quite intense. Many people only see the fairytale of adoption without realizing how complex it truly is. Of course, what adoptive parents do is beautiful, but the 'white savior' idea shouldn’t be the focus.”

Beauty Standards
Within her family, Yente feels loved and accepted, even when, during the holidays, someone says, “We all look alike.” Yente laughs and thinks, “Haha, I have slanted eyes.” She knows it’s never meant harmfully and feels like an integral part of the family. This has taught her that she doesn’t need to chase an unrealistic beauty standard. “Wake up. Open your slanted eyes because it’s never going to happen,” Yente says with a smile. Her journey to self-acceptance has shown her that she is perfect just the way she is.

Thank for hearing my story – Yente